First Sentences of Stories I Never Finished
Joshua Bohnsack
We used to play a game called “30 People Who Worked Here.”
Casey must have been bored when he picked up the Saint Encyclopedia his grandma gave him for confirmation, but he flipped it open to Saint Agatha.
We didn’t believe her when my sister first told us about the “red kitty” she saw by the propane tank.
When attendance dipped at mass, Father brought in a mascot to rile up some pep for Jesus.
I went to the agency at first to get a surrogate at parties.
Putting on my man suit.
By the end she peed on the floor, which she didn’t even do as a puppy.
It’s an expensive habit, now, but when I got into it, I just thought they were neat.
If I had met Kate a month or two sooner, I would have told her I loved her, but now that she has died, I’m glad I didn’t.
Each morning I start the day by swallowing a cannonball, which I wash down with the half-full mason jar of water left on my nightstand.
Jimmy was borned as a lil aminal in the wet wet winter.
My mom could have been Hope Sandolval from Mazzy Star.
The lovers depart into the ocean.
When I had to pull a baby bird from my dog’s mouth, I didn’t feel sorry for the poor fallen chick, or for my god being denied her capture, but for myself for prying my dog’s mouth apart and having to grab the potentially-diseased baby bird.
When I was a kid, my grandma used to bring earplugs to Fourth of July and the stock car races, and brought extra ones for me.
When I was cast as Guy-in-bar 3, I read over the script with his perspective in mind.
When Jeremy’s mom cleaned out his room the week after the funeral, she found all these lists.
When I hear some of those songs, you’d think I’d be transported back to the relationship, and I am, in a way, closing up the bar on a Sunday night, wondering who she’s inviting over, who she’s lying to me about that night, listening to those folk songs, thinking about how I’m going to move to New York, how I’m going to get signed, and I’m sad about the could-have-beens, but through all the terribleness, I’ve come out on top, but in a different way.
I’ve come out as a werewolf to my friends and now that’s all they see.
Dear Mom, I have decided today is my birthday, since I’m not sure what day it is.
On the second day of substituting for the special ed teacher, one of the students pulled a small handful of bullets from his pocket, but on the first day, he complimented me, saying I was a good reader.
At first my teeth were feeling a little baggy in the morning.
I told my fiancé, “It smells like farts in here.”
I suppose I went into journalism to help people, but I can’t remember.
I saw Kiss in May of 2000, and it was the best day of my life.
At 3:44 in the morning, I put on a smattering of reasonably-priced moisturizer and looked into the mirror to think, “Oh God, I’m ugly.”
You have the audacity to ask for the WiFi password?
I want Jesse Ball to be my real dad.
Lacey hated her name.
"So what, you cut off the claw and count the rings?"
I started playing this game by myself where I try to remember what day it is and how I feel.
The day the US declared war on Iraq, I remember telling my mom that I didn’t expect the sky to be so blue.
Joshua Bohnsack's work has appeared in AGNI, Salt Hill, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and others. He is managing editor for TriQuarterly and publisher at Long Day Press. He grew up on a farm and moved to Chicago.