ยฐ ๐ŸŽ€ ๐“…๐“‡๐‘’๐“‰๐“‰๐“Ž ๐“…๐“๐‘’๐’ถ๐“ˆ๐‘’ ๐ŸŽ€ ยฐ

Ana Carrete

let's say i'm walking to my car after drinks
i powerwalk to it and look around
i take a video of myself and post it online for people to see
it only lasts a few seconds (no context)

living in the past is posting poorly-lit pictures

i post because it's dark and the parking lot is empty
only 4 or 5 cars are left on that level of the parking structure

i post the video because it's evidence
if anything bad happens to me
this video has been posted
and there are clues to use to find my body but yes
you're right i also want to show you my face
and you want to look at it

you are not the you in the poetโ€™s poem
stop fantasizing about being the you of everything
allow for characters to be other people who aren't you

in preschool a boy would tell me he was going to
marry me when we grew up and i hated him for it
I WAS ALREADY WIFEY MATERIAL
AND I WAS ONLY FOUR

you'd love to have my approval but it wonโ€™t be easy
you wonโ€™t impress me because i'm extra slow to warm up
if you like bad bitches thatโ€™s good to know
i know you like them in theory and then you go sad mode
when you encounter a very bad one

there's clearly something wrong with me
can you top that loser
i canโ€™t accept compliments
i should have and express positive thoughts
i should be adorable but instead
iโ€™m a conceited piece of shit

i donโ€™t care if irony as practiced and spoken
during the indie sleaze era
is cringe now
i love vintage
and friends told me to
never change

and when iโ€™m high iโ€™m passionate
about being earnest
and very very hot

felt ugly fought blemishes
failed to prevent future breakouts
zits turned into fine lines
acne came back ugliest hottest
colorizing pictures leaves your skin
glowing how many dimensions exist
what dimension is god in

steve aoki was the jesus of the indie sleaze era
but personally i prefer devon
2 fast 2 furious sin city are you kidding me

 
 

Ana Carrete is the author of Blush and Blink (Lang Books, 2023), Girlfriend Cosplay (Burn All Books, 2019), Non-Girl Non-Final (If a Leaf Falls Press, 2018), Naรญf y Kawaii (Gigante, 2014), Baby Babe (CCM, 2012), and a bunch of self-published zines.

@ana__carrete